Maybe I am a late bloomer?

Hello Isabelle,

Another week another interview.  I am the last one in line for the Stanford job and so far I still do not have Daycare for my baby girl.  I am in limbo and hoping something happens soon.

In the meantime I am realizing how socially awkward I am and sometimes notice people just don’t like me.  Maybe it is a church thing maybe it is a “just me” thing.  I notice more these days than I ever did that People act differently to me than I thought they did before.

I think I am a late bloomer and that my early life tragedy kept me from developing in normal ways.  They at least effected my social interactions.  Part of that was my parents need to keep me isolated and not deal with my outbursts and so I spent tons of time with doctors and away from my peers. 

Being a late bloomer just means to me that I am finally figuring it all out later in life and will be successful now rather than peak in high school like so many other people did.  MY dreams can come true with Stanford, and becoming a lawyer one day.  It just may not be until I am 50. 

It is a strange feeling as I age and feel younger but wiser.  I don’t let so much bother me anymore.  Yet, at the same time the way people react or what they think of me does matter more.

I will keep with the hopeful thinking and plan as if I am getting the job and everything will turn out perfectly.  I deserve this job, this could be the one for me?  Maybe I wasn’t ready before, maybe I just needed to go through everything to get to this point.  Or maybe I am just a late bloomer.

What a great next chapter in my book.  I get to go to Stanford!

Another day PRAYING for my chance!

The last few weeks have been fast, hard, and wet and I wish it had something to do with sex.

My older son who is almost 20 years old is gone.  We got in a huge fight after his attempt to steal prescription drugs and then leave them out where the baby could have swallowed them.  It occurred to me when I confronted him and he said “so I didn’t steal them I changed my mind and left them where you all could find it on purpose.”  That he doesn’t realize those types of mistakes and actions effect people in the house and it is not alright to now  after a year still be making the same mistakes.  We of course screamed at eachother and proceeded to kick him out after he started repeating all the nasty things his father says about me.

Maybe he will come back but its been a week and I cant dwell upon it, he needs to understand that when you make mistakes of that magnitude you cannot just say “oh well” and do it again. 

On a very happy note I have my final interview with ….  Wait for it…. My dream come true job with ….  Drumroll please………………………

Stanford LBRE dept., next week!   I am going to do this and don’t care what happens I am one of three people from over 300 applicants who has a chance of working at the University of my dreams.  I could really be going to Stanford maybe one day I can go back to school again and be a Lawyer.  Just like I dreamed about when I was eight years old.  Then I can find Isabelle and complete my story.  What an ending that would be, right??

SO I have prepared and researched and prayed, yes, prayed.  I asked others to pray and if GOD is listening and there is a GOD, I deserve this one, I need this one, please can I have it, please!!!!

Okay, so it will be tough, the commute is horrible, the days will be long until I move closer to work, but in the end it is best for me, my family my future, my life.

Isabelle if you hear this, please don’t screw it up and lets go to Stanford.  Their LBRE department managing the leases for the land, buildings, and real estate owned by Stanford.  Look at me mom, I made it, I deserve this and I worked for it!

So life may never be normal, and I will always have challenges but this will work, it has to……..

Okay goodnight my darlings I have a busy day, week, month, year ahead and lots of obsessing to do.

Stanford! Stanford! Stanford!

LOVE TO ALL