LAZY Stay at home MOMs ?!?! WTF

Hey Isabelle,

How is your week going?  You have been on my mind….

SO todays thoughts are wondering to the times or numerous occasions I have had conversations with my guy friends who are either divorced, married, getting divorced or have children with a women they lived with.  SO most of the adult idiots out there.

So many of them have over the years said to me “well she just stopped trying”, “she gave up on her career”, or “ever since the kids went back to school she just doesn’t do anything”.  Of course they are referring to their baby momma, or wife, or whatever you want to call the stay at home mother in their house that they are now leaving for someone new or more exciting.  Then there are those men who stay and whine and complain they think the stay at home mom is lazy and just stupid or something because all the sudden the kids are going to school everyday and she should have a six figure job already!  Why isn’t she helping pay for stuff already?!?!  RIGHT?  Like we are all in the movie “Seven Brides for Seven Brothers” from 1954 and we are bewildered with why the women would not want us to steal, I mean rescue them from their boring home lives to marry us in the mountains and have our children.  Because all women want that?  Right?  We all dream of living in Oregon in 1950s in the backwoods and aspire to live on a prairie sitting in one big room together in our underwear all winter. 

Oh, I would love a man to please serenade me with:

“Bless your beautiful hide

You're just as good as lost.

I don't know your name

But I'm a-stakin' my claim

Lest your eyes is crossed.

Oh, I'd swap my gun 'n' I'd swap my mule

Tho' whoever took it would be one big fool.

Or pay your way thru cookin' school.

If 'n you would say I do.

Bless your beautiful hide”

Who writes this stuff?  Really?

Well, I always would look at my guy friends with such sympathy and being the “guys girl” I was THEN I would look at them baffled of why cant they get up and do something those lazy women.  DARN IT!

Now that I am older, and in their shoes, (so to speak)  I am now a full time stay at home mom with no intention of returning to work. I see a very different side of the story and let me tell you MEN you need to DO BETTER.  You need to stop saying these things about the mother of your children.  YUP I said it, she is first and foremost the mother of your children and unless you want your sons and daughters to look at being a stay at home mom they way you do it needs to end.  I can complain, heck I can write and gripe all day about the same issues I read about online and in many blogs, but reality is …. Workingwomen need to show some damn respect too.  Women don’t back each other up enough either.  As I did years ago with my co-workers complaining and other guys I met for drinks after work, I sympathized with them when I should of stood up for the fact it takes two bitches, it takes two people in that house to be in that relationship and if your unhappy trust me your wife is much more unhappy.  I should have said “maybe you should treat her better and then she will get off her ass and do something?’”

So what happens to us, what happens to the stay-at-home mom that takes a brilliant fit wonderful women and makes her this troll her husband, partner, spouse, bashes in public?

You can read anywhere is start with a few of these:

1.    If your partner is a stay-at-home mom, stop treating her like her work during the day is somehow less strenuous or less important than yours.  I actually had my partner tell me he could never do work with the kids around because his work is much more important than mine.  YUP I killed him that day.

2.    Stop working so much. Find a healthy balance between work and family. If the finances are that tight Talk about solutions to create more balance.  Involve her in fixing the issues.

3.    One of my personal biggest issues. STOP - Stop allowing your role as leader in the home to be an excuse for selfish behavior.  Don’t forget that a true leader serves they do not assert their authority and use it as a weapon.  BAM! Assholes

4.    Stop dishonoring your partner by criticizing them in front of your children or in public.  BIG NO NO Yes this is constantly done to me and my kids wont listen anymore some days.  In fact I now have a 19 year old who thinks I am a complete idiot with zero skills because his father put me down in front of him for YEARS.

5.    When you wife irritates you, don’t yell and say I work all day for this shit?!

6.    DO have the difficult conversation about how everyone feels.

7.    Stop saying you’ll do something and then procrastinating.

8.    Include her in decisions big and small.  Just because she doesn’t work anymore docent mean she wants to be left out of adult issues, decisions and conversation.  She is not a child, she just manages them for YOU.

9.    Stop acting like God and trying to control everything.

10.  Stop deceiving your partner about your finances.

They seem like simple things but in reality over time they add up and create the lazy stay-at home mom you are now complaining about to your friends at drinks after work while you avoid going home.

Honestly, I get it, I am slowing becoming less motivated, some days I wonder why I even bother speaking to anyone.  I am just an idiot who took the easy way out and stays at home.  I really don’t do anything right?  WRONG!!

It is not easy balancing everything and still minting some sort of contact with the adult world.  It is horrible to spend everyday in the mind numbing state of knowing I will never achieve outside my home.  That I will not have the financial freedom my partner has, and I have given control of my future up. 

But I get to be a mom, I am rewarded with the endless joy of watching cartoons, being kissed all the time by these wonderful little kids, and helping them evolve into adults.  I get to see their schoolwork, teach them to cook and all the other joy that comes with the mom stuff.  I don’t have to deal with a jerk boss or ride the subway with morning commuters  ever again! 

I guess there is good an bad, but the good tends to outweigh the bad most the time.  It’s the fact I lose myself in the negativity or they way the men in my life treat me for being a stay-at –home mom.  I find I allow the depression to set in after being demeaned and beaten down by society, MEN, the women who work and everyone else with an option that do not have a clue what I do all day.  I then find myself slowing loosening perspective, I stop bathing, shaving, or putting on a dress EVER!  I then will walk by a mirror and stop to say WHAT THE FUCK.  Then I will snap out of it and get my ass to the salon.  But honestly I hope the day never comes where they beat me down so low I cant get up and remember where the salon is?  It is a fight to stay focused with so much negativity thrown at you daily.  SO much judgment, so much mistreatment. 

SO MEN, SOCIETY, and Working women who judge!  We need to treat our moms better, we need to pay our teachers more and everyone is complaining about these issues in society but yet we still can’t stop and change. 

SO WHO ARE THE REAL IDIOTs and LAZY ASSES NOW!

Talk to you later Isabelle.  Miss you girl, be strong.

XOXO

ME

Just another day.... This is my mind at 2:00am

Hello Isabelle,

In an effort to write more and avoid my insomnia, here I am at 2:00am.   I feel puffy and anxious today.  Not sure why….

I have been making plans for my sons 5^th birthday.  I am always nervous to make sure enough of his friends show up.  Most the time the dads come with the kids and rarely the moms.   We are doing a Star Wars Costume party and yes I am going overboard.  I can’t help myself when it comes to the kids.  Its like the energizer bunny takes over me and I can’t eat or sleep til it’s all perfect.  Plus I can always get their dad to spend a ton of money on Birthday parties, and that is fun if not for any other reason then to prove he has a lot more money then he tells me about…  Soo we will have themed food, themed games and decorations, I am even making a cool space tunnel out of the hall way with lights and theme music.  The entire house will really be decorated like a space station.  I will be in full costume with the kids of course.  I don’t think it is because I have nothing else to do or that I am not working, I just really want them to remember the good and joy of their childhood.  I don’t think any parent goes in with wanting their kids to need therapy, but I really don’t want them to look back and have bad experiences outweigh the good ones.

The holidays are also on the way and we will be doing them all at our house again.  The only difference is that it will probably just be us and Granny.  Not like last year with my cousins.  It is strange how every year my cousins wife gets stranger and stranger.  Maybe it is me and the way women just react to me, or maybe its nothing personal.  Either way no love loss here to her not showing.  Just wish the boys would come by more often.

Well, I am feeling a but strange too socially these days.  I would like to say I pride myself on not giving a fuck what people think, but I actually made an effort this last year to grow up and pay attention to my actions or how people react to me.  I am not sure sometimes with the church folk of what their deal is?  I have my for sure people, the ones who are more like me and just there.  Mostly men….  Then it seems the rest treat me differently, or some like to play pity party on me because my partner never comes to church therefore I must be alone and sad??  Or something??  They are always talking with that tone and “oh dear how are things you okay?”  Little do they know I am severely independent and even though I complain about him here and we have our issues we have plenty of money, and I like my life, A LOT.  I would not want him in my business or with me all the time.    I don’t understand why anyone would want to spend all their time with just one person?  I know people would like to think a good church is kind and welcoming, however you show them any weakness and they hold it against you forever, like your wearing a branding mark on your forehead.  Its like I always say… “GOD save me from your followers.”  I really don’t know why I put any thought into it, its not like their opinion of me effects my life, its just fascinating I guess to see how wrong people can be about a person.  Then again, its not like I ever have really let any of them get to know me?

Speaking of other people, how do you socialize with other women regularly?  I see these ladies I know on Facebook, making plans for coffee, or other stuff regularly and I don’t get it?  How do they just click and do all that stuff.  Is it because they are working moms and older than me?   I have never had that easy breezy clicky group of moms or friends I do coffee with or just randomly get together with regularly some how.  I feel like I am chasing people around to do it and honestly have to force myself to make plans.  I did make plans this week to talk to one gal about a part time at home gig, to help with a little shoe money…  LOL.  Something about being an online coach for health and fitness.   This is more up my alley and easy for me since I enjoy fitness and working out regularly.  I tell women all the time it is about creating opportunities everyday with in my regular schedule to work out and get something in, I don’t need a gym or nanny, just a little effort to run 5 miles to the store or stuff like that.   Maybe it will work out, I definitely need a separate blog just for my work out routines.

Okay well good talk Isabelle, its nice to write my life questions and curiosity down, so I can move on from it and stop being a whinny brat.  I am sure my boys would rather I talk about farts and what’s for dinner rather than who I think my friends are today.  HAHA !  They are such boys.

Other People

Dear Isabelle I forget to tell….

So today was significant, and I did not forget I just shoved it down to get through my day… 

Most people look to me and think I am strong, that I’m unwavering, and not effected by attachments. 

Well lets say I am effected more deeply than anyone I know.  I just hide it better.

Today was the birthday of my cousin.  Another reminder of how fragile life is…. 

I watched him take his last breathe after 4 months of brain surgery.  He went into the hospital with migraines at age 21.  He took his last breath 4 months later when we pulled the plug and gave him peace.

He was brilliant, perfect, and eager to explore the world.  I feel these days more deeply than most.  I just keep them inside and hope the pain of the memories of what I have endured stay hidden. 

My brother

My cousin

My grandfather

My nephew

My friend

The children I know

You are the reason I run, the reason I remember….  FUCK CANCER

Goodnight to my kids who wont see another day, its you I want to remember today.

I don't know? maybe I need more sex...

Hello Isabelle,

I know, I know, I need to write more to be considered a blogger…  Well I sit down and then find myself distracted or embarrassed about writing about life and myself.  My life isn’t that bad?  Well most the time.

I have a home, a family and three kids that are challenging and wonderful.  I shouldn’t complain, I shouldn’t gripe, I should take my pills and smile, then chase it down with some good wine. 

I went on a three-day wine and relaxation trip this week.  I went with a friend.  Someone more like me that am able to detach and just look out for herself.  I really don’t like most women; they are over considerate and tend to be over emotional about life in general.  They think everything needs to be just right.  I guess I through out perfection many years ago and care about stuff that most people don’t think matter.  Like Loyalty?  I really can forgive everything else if someone has my back.

My friend is like me with an older child and a new younger one 14 years later.  She was a single mom and therefore understands the need to take time out from your kids, family, life, in order to be a person.  AND I just don’t mean be a person but a 21 year-old selfish asshole, (that’s what most women call me).  Selfish and immature….  Fortunately their opinions don’t matter because they have never been to my life, house, world, or had more than a five-minuet conversation with me.  So they don’t qualify as worthy.  HAHA!

SO I spent three days and two nights eating, drinking, indulging and talking about how my life has become a (BLANK) housewife reality TV episode with regular evening wine.    I take prescription drugs and drink daily.  Yup, I qualify as a 60s housewife with issues.

The trip was amazing, I wish I could have stayed longer (alone) in order to really go out and maybe pick up some strange guy to abuse sexually before I got home.  Instead I exchanged a few drunk texts with my two ex-boyfriend’s and got my sexual appetite going again just in time to come home and abuse my partner/baby daddy.  Which then in turn picked a fight and told me I should use someone else next time I need a good orgasm, cause he is too old to care or feel guilty.

So here is the thing….  Everyone fantasizes about sleeping around right? I thought everyone dreams about the first time they were kissed and that feeling of wow I matter?  Oh, well…  Fantasies are always better than reality anyway.  Plus I have never been in love and never really gotten crazy over someone.  Well, maybe one…?

SO WE also talked about how NOT normal my situation at home was with not having a plan in place in case anything happens to my partner/baby daddy.  So basically I am out on the street if he dies.  I will have my kids and whatever I saved.  I am working on my investment portfolio still.  I need another 5 years.  Lets hope I make it, and then I cannot worry. 

I tried to explain to my friend, that my partner/baby daddy has no loyalty to me.  Its more about business with us, he doesn’t know me very well, we don’t have much in common, and he has made it clear I am not important to this life he lives in.  He would choose a homeless mans side over mine.  Case and point is the argument we had after I fucked his brain out last night…. Basically he tried to say and I quote “ wow you are finally coming out of the hormones form the baby. I can tell whenever you do because you stop mentioning the mess in the house.”  Then he continued to point out how women’s hormones contribute to all the issues in relationship.   (You know PMS is the culprit, never him) that if I could find a pill to control that more life would be better.  Come to think of it why don’t all women take medication so that they stop nit picking and nagging so much?  Cause he/men do nothing to deserve it ever!

You know I am all about admitting my part, but I won’t take al the blame.  It takes two people to have an argument.  SO I took myself out of the situation and went to bed.

I explained this attitude he presents to my friend of never being at fault for anything.  I am just a mentally ill women with hormones.  Yup, that me…  I am not capable of doing anything in the world because I am sick and stricken down with female hormones. 

Well we all know most men would be shot for this kind of 1950s crap but whatever, I don’t care, I cant care, I just need to focus on my future without him, or at least a wonderful affair.  SO I finally got him to shut up and then had another wonderful orgasm and kicked him to the couch.   Can you believe I don’t even make eye contact, cuddle or kiss him, I just ride him like a champ and have great orgasms.  OMG, I LOVE IT!

Maybe it would be nice to connect with someone someday, but today is not my day.  So I make the best of it…

Anyway, I am back to my routine, and imagining my future with a young gorgeous large penis.  Oh, wait, maybe a person too.  Romance could happen for me one day? A part of me does miss connecting with someone, having a conversation, maybe a date, maybe intimacy?  As I get older I crave loyalty, someone to fight for me, or at least care what happens to me after they die? 

I think about my daughter and what she will see, what example I am showing her?  Is it realistic to think it might be better to show her how to be independent instead of sacrificing your beliefs for comfort and money with a man? 

We all choose and this is what I have chosen for now, so lets see how it goes.  It is really not that bad most the time.  It is a trade off, I get to be with my kids and pretend I am 21, retired and have a good time.  I don’t know? 

So Isabelle I will keep wondering what is next and try to write sooner.  Lets hope at least my sex life improves a little.  I could really use some passionate, sex with kissing and maybe a someone who cares. 

Love you Isabelle!