Pregnancy and stuff today....

So this pregnancy with my little girl, the only one and last baby I will have.  It has been my easiest pregnancy.  I have not been tired, nauseated, sick to my stomach or felt like my hormones have taken over me.  In fact I don't think I have really even craved anything?  Sure I want to eat what I want to eat but I have not had any cravings.

I will admit the one thing I have obsessed over is flossing my teeth.  Oh my goodness it is amazing to floss my teeth.  I wanted so desperately to have the professionally cleaned and scrapped but, not one dentists will take me.   Apparently, when your pregnant your gums bleed easily and are super sensitive.  For me this is true but at the same time I am obsessed with flossing, even if they bleed.  I can't stop it is like scratching a good itch.

SO on with Smith my day!   Today my wonderful two boys are supporting their mother at church and taking pictures for the ward directory.  You would think their father /Step Father would come but no, he will never support me in anything I do.  I was mad for a moment and then pulled my stupid ass up off the floor and said "why they hell would I want him there anyway"?

The older I get the more independent i get and the more I truly understand that I am in this alone, that with to with out you my life will go on and that is more comforting that relying on another person.

SO one with the beautiful sunny day in January.  Yes sunny, even the bears are out from the lack of winter weather.  Ironic how the one pregnancy I have the chance to be pregnant in winter it never changes to a real winter day with rain and cold.  Bummer, NO scarves and sweaters for me....

Maybe the boys will want Dim Sum after our outing today.  Nothing better than a steamed BBQ Pork Bun to brighter your tummy and afternoon.

Talk to you later Isabelle....

And so it goes...

It is funny how the world chews on you a little here and there before they really push you hard.

Life is good as I am reminded every day during my daily calls to my Granny.  YES daily, sometimes 3 times per day I call my granny.  I save all her nutty voice messages too and I do love her, but it is becoming obvious she is getting older.  I don’t mean the replacing body parts type of older I mean the she will die in the next 5 years older.

It is sad my younger children will never know the tough broad like my older son.  I tell him all the time how lucky he was to have the time he has had with His Great Grandmother (granny) and my parents, not matter how annoying they all are and can be at times.

My granny reminds me to keep calm and carry on …  Because all men are dumb asses.  Like it is an excuse to be stupid and rude or something?  I will admit I was blessed with such a great daddy and grandfather that my expectations are high when it comes to the grown up penis’s.  Yes that is what I call them because they are all the same to me now, a penis.  Some big some small but I have reduced them to their genitals.  Whatever, there are three in my house plus two dogs and they all make a mess, act and are super sensitive all the time. 

SO not to sound like a man hating B word, but the older I get the more numb I am to the need of having penis’s around.

SO this week has been fun, I get to micro manage my older son’s ass for the next three months.  Apparently the reason his father kicked him out was because he wasn’t going to school and lying all the time.  Well I don’t get rid of tough cases, I smile and squeeze them tighter.  That’s what you are supposed to do right? 

I have put GPS tracking on his phone, I show up randomly at his work or school or wherever to say hello and make sue he knows I know…  HAHAHA!  I made a calendar with report in times and dates so we can do homework together and laugh about our friends.  (sarcasm) But really he has not killed me yet so we are doing great.  He is still more of a help than anyone else in the house, and his friends think I am an angel so I win! 

It is like I said you don’t leave the ones you love you fight for them, and my older son needs someone to fight for him.  I could not believe his father and stepmother in 4 years never, not even once, went to his school.  I have been there 4 times in the last two weeks.

My 4 year old is nuts, he just says “no” to everything and only does what you ask if you threaten him.  NICE, Huh?  I am hoping it is a phase, or a sign that he wants to be a litigation attorney…

I have 20  more credits left on my BS degree.  I know I am graduation from an online school and I might not ever use the two degrees I have in paralegal studies or environmental policy.  But I did it, for what it is worth I did it!

I still dream about being independent from the guy I now have two kids with.  I wish I was a successful women with money to burn and live away from this alone with my kids.  That is all I ever wanted.  But like we have learned, my path is being a mother, not a wealthy success. 

This week is coming to a close and I need to get back to me, I hope to find time Saturday.  In the mean time  this day shall be as wonderful as the next.  My life is blessed I am trying to focus on that. 

Well that and my next project for my professional life.  I need to do something new so I can buy my baby girl all the dresses she want!

Talk to you soon Isabelle…

So maybe it has been awhile…

So maybe it has been awhile…

I tend to shut down and keep to myself when busy or stressed.  The last year and a half was eventful to say the least.

I see some people have read some of my blog and that is interesting too, I though I was the only one who read this stuff.

I went through four jobs, yes four.

I was lied to , robbed, bullied, discovered illegal activity like embezzlement schemes, or  racism, and just bad behavior.  I am still in the mist of a discrimination suit with the last one.  Therefore, I decided I am better off on my own self employed.

I got back together with my baby’s daddy.  Haha!  I am now close to delivering my final child and baby girl.  The relationship is not what it was and nothing really I care about any more but I gave up on love years ago.  He is making a ton more money and provides a better life financially for my kids. 

I belong to a wonderful church I am pleased to be apart of and teach Sunday school at every week.

I am happier home with my kids and my oldest Son has moved back in realizing he needs his mother.

Lots of changes and improvements but that is what life is about….  Building a better one right?

I am also 20 credits away form completing my BS in Environmental Policy and already completed my AA in Paralegal Studies. 

Daily I run and exercise and try not to freak out while I am 8 months pregnant and 65lbs heavier.

Things are different and better, but the same. My younger sons father is still an ass, but sometimes in relationships you learn to accept what you cannot change and find something to distract you.  Like Running Marathons and volunteer work.

I know it is odd after everything he did to go back and try it again.  I really don’t look at it as trying again.  I look at it as doing what is best for my younger son and try and do what a women does… 

We are strong for our kids, period.

As least his family is not around anymore and I have my privacy back.

Today was a good day and my head is full of stories.  Tuesday’s are farmers market days for me.   I get to small and taste and enjoy.  Then home to manage everyone else’s life.

The dogs, kids, new house and world around me does not exists for  few hours while I explore the colors sounds and flavors of the fresh farmers market. 

I know it is crazy to think I am that into this shit!  Really??

But you know it’s the little things…

Like why my faith is back in humanity today.  I sometimes feel myself get negative and then out of nowhere some random stranger comes up to me and says can I tell you something?

I never use to listen and would just say NO and run but now I listen…

Today it was the security guard at the Bank.  He had to tell me about how blessed I was, how my child would be beautiful and wonderful and then handed me a little King James New Testament Bible and said “hold on to your faith it will not leave your side if you remember why it is there.”  Or something to that effect.

The words stuck with me and reminded me to not be angry with the world but back to peace and enjoyment of the little things at the Farmers Market.  Sometimes there are signs out there everywhere keeping us on track and we need to just stop saying NO and instead listen to the strange guy handing you a bible on the street randomly. 

But then again, it could be the hormones from the pregnancy..  LOL

Be well more to come this week!