January 24, 2016
So here I am again as time repeats, and I am left without my
feet….
Hey Isabelle, it’s a lonely road again these days and the
isolation is getting to my mind. That
man who likes to hit me has been arrested and removed from the home leaving me
with two kids and a lot of debt. Of
course he is trying to starve us out of the house and make me give up or go
crazy. I just cant wrap my head around
the mental state of someone like this.
Why does anyone want to hurt their kids to hurt their mother, or have
such an issue that they cannot separate their anger for the mother from their
kids. Then again… Sociopath, Narcissistic, violent men/ abusers
are a breed in themselves and aren’t they wonderful. I never met a sociopath I did not love or
like. Have you? I just pray to the legal gods please see
through his shit and save me and my kids from the ongoing grief.
I need to do more to occupy my mind and keep busy, or at
least feel comfortable enough to have sex again. This whole thing has screwed me up, I
actually find myself missing this guy late at night. I mean really, how text book am I being the
brain washed victim. Geez talk about
needing to get over it soon. Sure I am sad, I am broken, damaged,
whatever, but this whole journey needs a happy eneding for me and my kids. I cant take anymore.
Wait I take that back, because every time I say that
something else happens and I am pushed further over the edge. I bend never break. Okay, now that I have that straight. ….
So of course he has called everyone I know and yelled, or
manipulated them into believing I make everything up. He even yelled at my mother saying he would
call CPS (Child Protection Services) and file as many reports as needed to make
sure the kids were taken from me. Sicko!
I cant even go to church anymore, teach Sunday school or
chat with most the moms at school.
Thanks to him.. But this is what
they do, right? They isolate and blame
the victim. He even admitted in writing
to the court that he hit me out of instinct, because that makes it okay? I am not sure what is going on in the head of
his???
First round in court the mediator recommended no contact
with me or the kids until the criminal case was finished. The judge of course told me I had to give him
two weeks supervised. LAME Why are we helping the abusers in the world
continue to use the court system and anyone they can to continue the pattern of
control and abuse. SHUT THAT SHIT
DOWN. NO tolerance, No one should beat
their kids mother in front of their kids and get to see day light. It is not forgivable.
SO I decided to write another business plan for a non-profit
called Survivors for change. They will
work with other advocates and non-profits to help fill the gap in society for
services for victims of crime or more importantly mother and children like
me. Seriously, I have become a statistic
and 75 % of women are forced to return or more likely to be killed after they
try and leave the abuser. It is never
just physical, or mental, it always includes financial abuse. Seems for such a progressive state
(California) we are far behind in the reality of day-to-day value of
stay-at-home moms.
I could go on but seem to have more ideas than actual plans
these days, I just don’t know how to get these things moving and do everything
by myself anymore. Maybe I am getting
older, or just nuts and Nobody is letting me in on the secret. Just goes to show I don’t really have any
friends, not if they are letting me be unrealistic and a dreamer… Then again I can see the other side to that
statement.
Time to start over again, this will be number 10-12, who
knows, I lost count and I am not even forty yet. Lets hope I am still not sitting at home
writing about starting over and stuff at forty.
Please admit me to a hospital or something, if I am still doing the same
thing. Something’s gotta give.
Well at least I have my humor right dear friend. I wish you could see my daughter and little
boy they grow and love and live with such laughter. That is all I want, smiles and laughter for
them. Well, and my legacy to leave
behind so they never have the life I do, ever.
At least it is not boring.
Here is the start of the new list to complete. Something needs to get done here.
·
Survivors for Change – Non-Profit
·
Fitness Hero – For Profit LLC
·
Services/Property Management/ All property
services company- C-or S -Corp with LLCs that the Corp Owns. Maybe incorporate in Denver, check options
dependent on number of shareholders and structure. Need Broker.
·
Finish Book “In Search of Isabelle” - Find Ghost Writer to format edit and
complete, then publish. Timing is
dependent on other goals. Need to take
personal names out.
·
Finish Lawsuit to keep house and sell next year
/spring.
·
Spend more time with Adults
·
Get Laid
·
Run more, go places, get out, go crazy
·
Make more money to support the above
Talk to you soon Isabelle.
I wish you were here everyday with me. Heartache and pain have nothing on us... Bending as far as I can waiting for you.
