What is yet to come/ Current 2011

This weekend has been wonderful with my two boys. The teenager and baby have been busy with me doing family stuff and today relaxing.

The teenager took the news about my husband well I guess. I only told him that my husband was gone for a while and needed some time apart from us. What am I supposed to say?? I don’t know what will happen or when. All I know is I can’t live the way I was living for so long with him.

I have been seeing a new therapist that has determined my main issue is I take too much blame for the problems in my life. That I blame myself so often it clouds my judgment or my gut instincts. Who knows? Maybe I can see that? I have been told a long time that everything is my fault…

I am working on getting stronger and moving forward in whichever direction life takes me. I start school this week and have y court date to find out what happens next.

I guess time will tell where I will land. It sure would be nice to have a plan, and in a way I do have a plan I think it is the hope that is missing from my life.

So for now I grieve the loss of a relationship I hoped would someday work out. Not sure what I liked about it other than the fact financially it was better than where I will be for the next few years. But I have had less.

Forward/ Current Day 2011

I am feeling better about my separation from my husband it is amazing how I let things get this bad. I enrolled in school and will be a student again at the end of the month. Now I have a lot to do before the court date and prepare for a possible battle.

I haven’t told my older son and I am afraid of what this might do to him. I am staying strong in hopes of one day having a normal life again with my own things.

The scary part is I have no clue where the bills are and have nothing in my name. It is like he kept it from me for years and now I have to start over.

I just hope the judge is fair, and sees what I am facing.

Sad but moving forward/ Current Day 2011

My world is moving forward but a little sad today. I filed for separation and a temporary restraining order since my husband would not stop making threats. I felt the need to protect myself and take the threat of physical harm very seriously. I asked the judge to grant him half custody and visitation. Unfortunately the judge refused my request and granted me full custody.

My heart aches and I never would want to inflict this type of pain on anyone the way it was done to me years ago. I am torn, but must stick to my beliefs and hope things can be worked out.

A part of e does not want my marriage to end this way. But apart of me dose not want what was happening. I was being told and treated like I was nothing and sick and he was well. You can’t bully or control people and we are both at fault when it comes to being unkind to each other. But once the threat of physical harm was made I had to do something it was just going to far.

Maybe I am a fool for hoping he can calmly work through this with me and fix our marriage. But I will pray everything no mater what happens will be all right and I will have the strength to look forward to my future.

I have been working on myself as I always do. I started the process of enrolling in school and I am going to the gym. I try and take the baby out to the park once a day while the weather is nice he does love the outdoors. I must be strong for him and make my decisions with his best interest in mind at all times.
I will try next week again to go and get the judge to allow some visitation for the baby to see his father. 20 day is too long for them to be apart.