Numbness for sound

You ever wake up and wonder is this really my life or a dream. We all do right?
But, Not a good dream and not a nightmare but a dull poorly lit movie like dream where everyone speaks in monotone voices and has nothing exciting to say let alone any useful dialog to exchange. That’s my life, and I feel numb most the time.
Don’t get me wrong I love being a mother to 1 and 1/2. I say half because my teenager is only partly present these days and not just because he spends most his time with his father. I would like to think that my son “the teenager” would be a great success one day, as all parents would. Heck he can’t even pass science class and may fail the 8th grade due to his lack of discipline. Thank goodness I will not be to blame the court system took custody from me years ago to give it to the more suitable parent, or so they thought. The father who has three kids with three different women and makes more money than me there for he is a better parent right?
Anyway, sometimes you win sometimes you loose and I wish I had time to cry over that but I am numb now.
I don’t miss people when they are gone, don’t mind if my husband is late home or gone a week. I don’t have friends and never really did. I spend all my time educating my 3 month old and teaching him to sing. He is pretty good actually.
I once was a somewhat successful adult and even went to work with other adults. I used big fancy words wore expensive suites and loved martini hour. Those days are gone and now I am numb.
My therapist seems interested in my numbness theses days. Funny thing about him he looks like one of my oldest friends, so it is like talking to an old friend, which makes it easier to confide in him. Along with the confidentiality agreement.
He is fascinated that all my relationships in my life have been with people I don’t really know, and all these people have lives I don’t know much about. They live in other states; we all talk time to time and rely on each other for nothing. This is my life I tell him. It has always been that way and I don’t think there is anything wrong with that because I know nothing different. I am not a group person; he tries to get me to attempt to look into mommy and me groups or other mommy activities. I laughed so hard I snorted. I have no desire to socialize and don’t feel a need for it, not like other people I know do. I like to detach and watch the show, I don’t want to get to involved with the world. It is a messy place.
SO here I sit numb. And tomorrow will be another day…