Too much nature for me....

Saturday, September 20, 2014

Hello Isabelle,

I hope you are doing better than I am this weekend….

It has been an emotional one for sure!  I left for a yoga retreat Friday afternoon and immediately cried for leaving my baby girl alone at six months old.  I thought it would be a good idea for me to have some time away  doing yoga.  NOT REALLY…..  I miss plumbing and AC.

First it is fucking HOT!  The resort is not a resort and more of a camping in buildings that are falling apart experience with two outdoor  showers for 30 women.

I can say the positive is the personal vegan chef and the morning Yoga or the evening wine.  But the animal who is digging for gold on the roof of my barely there cabin is making me nuts and scaring the hell out of me at night. 

Oh and there is not any hot water FYI.

It was nice to talk to adults for the first day, but then I realized everyone else had a Job and a partner that really supported them.  I have none of those…

Then everyone talked about his or her amazing life and everything and I talked about my kids. I feel completely strange with a bunch of young career women and their exciting ambitious lives.  Don’t get me wrong they are amazing ladies.  They have what seem to be wonderful lives.  I just feel awkward and that is my issue not theirs.

I am trying desperately to be positive and feel differently about it all, but it is HOT!  I cant cool off and I cant even get a decent shower.  So here I am wondering why I paid this much? And planning my escape.

I will enjoy what I can and really want to flee and go home or somewhere else, but can’t find any available accommodations in the area and I did drive this far so I will stay one more night.…

On another note; my partner/baby daddy is withholding sex.  Awesome!  I understand he is getting older and stuff, but really?  The only thing I can assume is he is fucking someone else, which I don’t mind…  I just want to know?  So I am clear on the rules here?  If I can see other people than great as soon as I am finished loosing the baby weight I will find someone young and beautiful to enjoy again.  It is not like we even really talk?  We are just raising kids in the house together.  I guess I am frustrated because every time I try to talk to him about it he tells me NO, that I am being emotional, or he doesn’t have time, blah, blah, blah.  What’s the big deal just tell me already!!!    I am sure I will forever be treated as a child with him. Cant wait til the kids are older and I move on to the next…

Maybe when I get home I can get a straight answer, I am just soooo tired of asking.

Well onto more medication and upping my Adderall dose.  It really helps me focus and helps me sleep better at  night, but it increases my blood pressure so I am really hot all the time, then I am tired more often too.  SUCKS, maybe there is something else that can be done.

Kids are good.

Progress on my workout routine is good.

Plans to move forward with instructor teacher training for Pilates are going.

Research for the perfect plastic surgeon is going.

Maybe next month I will be a little lighter?  LOL

Talk to you soon Isabelle