Hello Dear Isabelle,
I just got home tonight after going out to blow off another night of arguments with that man another night of despair or better said bullshit.
I am in pain, I am still in pain from my birth of my third child. It is an amazing thing to come out of a month in the hospital and all the consequences that come with it. The pain of the body, heart, home the other kids, the mind the what ifs, the e everything, I have no one to share it with no one to tell, I am mad, sad, scared, and in pain. I want to cry when I need to be strong, I want to take a minute, but I need to be there for my boys and they are boys so they do not understand what I need. TO make it worse that man I live with like to treat me like a child.
I am in pain, I am still in pain from my birth of my third child. It is an amazing thing to come out of a month in the hospital and all the consequences that come with it. The pain of the body, heart, home the other kids, the mind the what ifs, the e everything, I have no one to share it with no one to tell, I am mad, sad, scared, and in pain. I want to cry when I need to be strong, I want to take a minute, but I need to be there for my boys and they are boys so they do not understand what I need. TO make it worse that man I live with like to treat me like a child.
So what happens when you need down time, time to heal, time
to play time to just be….. and....
What happens when you don’t get what you need. You explode, then you grieve. I have been grieving for so long since my
brother was thirteen and sick since he forgot me. ALl the kids I have buried and had die in my life. The crap really builds up after a while.
Oh my Here I go again… drinking and thinking again.
I need sex or love or something more, but I gave THAT UP! So who
am I to pretend. It is like I said just me whining again, asking for
something that is not possible again.
What happened was, that man, my baby's daddy was yelling at me tonight in front of the kids again, disciplining me like a child. I have warned him to stop, to let me work it out with my kids and that he has his way and I have mine. NO, he won't stop or shut up, so I left tonight and had fun. Got drunk went dancing, had food, beer and probably annoyed one of my only friends with my whining and texting, but I was okay for a minute. I didn't think about the pain for a few hours or how stupid that man can be. Maybe from now on when he digs into me I will just leave and go out. Maybe one day I will not come back......
What happened was, that man, my baby's daddy was yelling at me tonight in front of the kids again, disciplining me like a child. I have warned him to stop, to let me work it out with my kids and that he has his way and I have mine. NO, he won't stop or shut up, so I left tonight and had fun. Got drunk went dancing, had food, beer and probably annoyed one of my only friends with my whining and texting, but I was okay for a minute. I didn't think about the pain for a few hours or how stupid that man can be. Maybe from now on when he digs into me I will just leave and go out. Maybe one day I will not come back......
Dear Isabelle I know you so well my friend, If only love was in your happy ending.
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