Dear Isabelle,
It is no wonder I feel nuts somedays…. Seems My partner that MAN I live with apologized
and calmed down. He is being nice and affectionate
again now. Seems to be a cycle with us
these days… It builds like a pressure
cooker and then he is fine. I don’t think
he will ever learn how to deal with me or that being aggressive with me does
not work well. I am straightforward just want to know where
I stand and the truth. He leads with his
emotions and I find myself reacting too much to his moods. It is exhausting….
Unfortunately I have been venting to my dear old friend and
I think he is starting to think this MAN I live with is an asshole or not good
for me. I really shouldn’t involve
people. I know better, well moving
forward I need to remember I am here for my kids, period and cant screw that
up.
Had a nice day finally with the kids. My 4 year old didn’t yell or freak out in his
room yet! The baby is amazing and my
soon to be 19 year old will figure it out, so I guess its normal.
I would like to believe other people with kids in a
relationship have similar rollercoaster of a life. Living with someone and getting through the
tough shit it hard, if not impossible. I
just with the MAN I live with and have kids with could grow with me and not be
such a fixed personality unable to bend change or see someone else’s view. Especially with how fast I change and
move. I am constantly trying to be better
rand reinvent myself.
I need to up my running this next week for the Nike women’s ½
marathon and to loose the rest of my baby weight. SO I will push a little harder and try. In
the meant time I am trying to plan a weekend away with a gal pal… This hardly ever works out because I am a
loner. I tend to do better on my own,
but I will try I guess. The church I
attend also has a women’s retreat next month but I just feel like the odd man
out all the time around a bunch or 40+ women trying to find enlightenment. I think my life has dictated that I will
always be more comfortable on my own.
Even though I should try to connect with people I just don’t.
Oh Well, I am happy when it is less complicated and that
means doing my own thing….
Talk to soon Isabelle, I hope things can stay calm for a
little while.
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