Putting some good back in my world

Dear Isabelle,

Today I am working harder on putting some good back in my world to battle all the struggles.  My life since I was 11 years old has been about struggles it has taken its toll to say the least.   I am living proof sanity can be restored after devastation.  Maybe with a little help form some good prescriptions but it is being restored everyday by the choices I make.  

Maybe that is why I choose to expose my life to very few people and am considered to be a bit socially awkward.  HAHA!

Today I reconnected to an acquaintance and listened to their situation or struggle and gave some numbers of good attorneys to help with their situation.  I offered my olive branch and in my way invited them in to my struggles hoping they would feel less alone.   I hope they take me up on the offer to be a friend to them and at the least hear them, because so many of us in this world go without being heard.

It remained me again that even in our darkest moments of light the joy of giving back can make the weight we carry a lot lighter.  It gives me hope that I can learn to trust and open my world to people on my terms since so much of my life is spent in my head.  It remined me to accept the good.

So here is the good for the month so far my dear Isabelle.

My daughter was baptized September 28^th 2014, she had two wonderful sponsors standing up for her, one being her big brother.  I was not alone and many people form the church and community attended with joy.

I am getting all As in my online legal classes for grant writing. I have two more classes til I achieve my BS in Environmental Policy.

My son and four year old made it two whole days without yelling at anyone.

My partner and MAN I live with (the father to two kids) is making an effort around the house.  He even brought home flowers??  OMG!  He is responding to my text messages and trying to listen.

I finally hired another (my third this year) attorney for my car accident in July and even though I know I screwed up and should have hired them sooner I am sure I can win a few extra thousand dollars to pay for a trip for myself and maybe a wonderful hair cut tooo.

I live in a wonderful home, with my own gym, and everything I need.  I am safe!

My older son turned 19 and he still tells me he loves me almost everyday.  Even after the struggles and heartache with him.  I have found a way to make sure he will always be with me.

I planned a trip to Calistoga with a friend and am looking forward to a couple days drinking  great wine by a pool after a massage.

I do not need to worry about my future, because what will be will be and as I get older I realize how much time I have spent worrying.

I have learned to let go of the little things through my experiences this year with my daughter and partner.  My home may not have art on the walls or matching furniture in every room.  My yard is disasters form all the half finished projects and lack of gardening.  But…  We are living, and we are safe.  WE have everything we need.

SO today I will have peace in my heart and a smile on my face.  I am finally in a place with my life that I am the one to give back and not receive.  That to me is a wonderful place to be.

Take Care my dear Isabelle.  I am sure we will talk again soon, good or bad it will change and my life will move forward.