LAZY Stay at home MOMs ?!?! WTF

Hey Isabelle,

How is your week going?  You have been on my mind….

SO todays thoughts are wondering to the times or numerous occasions I have had conversations with my guy friends who are either divorced, married, getting divorced or have children with a women they lived with.  SO most of the adult idiots out there.

So many of them have over the years said to me “well she just stopped trying”, “she gave up on her career”, or “ever since the kids went back to school she just doesn’t do anything”.  Of course they are referring to their baby momma, or wife, or whatever you want to call the stay at home mother in their house that they are now leaving for someone new or more exciting.  Then there are those men who stay and whine and complain they think the stay at home mom is lazy and just stupid or something because all the sudden the kids are going to school everyday and she should have a six figure job already!  Why isn’t she helping pay for stuff already?!?!  RIGHT?  Like we are all in the movie “Seven Brides for Seven Brothers” from 1954 and we are bewildered with why the women would not want us to steal, I mean rescue them from their boring home lives to marry us in the mountains and have our children.  Because all women want that?  Right?  We all dream of living in Oregon in 1950s in the backwoods and aspire to live on a prairie sitting in one big room together in our underwear all winter. 

Oh, I would love a man to please serenade me with:

“Bless your beautiful hide

You're just as good as lost.

I don't know your name

But I'm a-stakin' my claim

Lest your eyes is crossed.

Oh, I'd swap my gun 'n' I'd swap my mule

Tho' whoever took it would be one big fool.

Or pay your way thru cookin' school.

If 'n you would say I do.

Bless your beautiful hide”

Who writes this stuff?  Really?

Well, I always would look at my guy friends with such sympathy and being the “guys girl” I was THEN I would look at them baffled of why cant they get up and do something those lazy women.  DARN IT!

Now that I am older, and in their shoes, (so to speak)  I am now a full time stay at home mom with no intention of returning to work. I see a very different side of the story and let me tell you MEN you need to DO BETTER.  You need to stop saying these things about the mother of your children.  YUP I said it, she is first and foremost the mother of your children and unless you want your sons and daughters to look at being a stay at home mom they way you do it needs to end.  I can complain, heck I can write and gripe all day about the same issues I read about online and in many blogs, but reality is …. Workingwomen need to show some damn respect too.  Women don’t back each other up enough either.  As I did years ago with my co-workers complaining and other guys I met for drinks after work, I sympathized with them when I should of stood up for the fact it takes two bitches, it takes two people in that house to be in that relationship and if your unhappy trust me your wife is much more unhappy.  I should have said “maybe you should treat her better and then she will get off her ass and do something?’”

So what happens to us, what happens to the stay-at-home mom that takes a brilliant fit wonderful women and makes her this troll her husband, partner, spouse, bashes in public?

You can read anywhere is start with a few of these:

1.    If your partner is a stay-at-home mom, stop treating her like her work during the day is somehow less strenuous or less important than yours.  I actually had my partner tell me he could never do work with the kids around because his work is much more important than mine.  YUP I killed him that day.

2.    Stop working so much. Find a healthy balance between work and family. If the finances are that tight Talk about solutions to create more balance.  Involve her in fixing the issues.

3.    One of my personal biggest issues. STOP - Stop allowing your role as leader in the home to be an excuse for selfish behavior.  Don’t forget that a true leader serves they do not assert their authority and use it as a weapon.  BAM! Assholes

4.    Stop dishonoring your partner by criticizing them in front of your children or in public.  BIG NO NO Yes this is constantly done to me and my kids wont listen anymore some days.  In fact I now have a 19 year old who thinks I am a complete idiot with zero skills because his father put me down in front of him for YEARS.

5.    When you wife irritates you, don’t yell and say I work all day for this shit?!

6.    DO have the difficult conversation about how everyone feels.

7.    Stop saying you’ll do something and then procrastinating.

8.    Include her in decisions big and small.  Just because she doesn’t work anymore docent mean she wants to be left out of adult issues, decisions and conversation.  She is not a child, she just manages them for YOU.

9.    Stop acting like God and trying to control everything.

10.  Stop deceiving your partner about your finances.

They seem like simple things but in reality over time they add up and create the lazy stay-at home mom you are now complaining about to your friends at drinks after work while you avoid going home.

Honestly, I get it, I am slowing becoming less motivated, some days I wonder why I even bother speaking to anyone.  I am just an idiot who took the easy way out and stays at home.  I really don’t do anything right?  WRONG!!

It is not easy balancing everything and still minting some sort of contact with the adult world.  It is horrible to spend everyday in the mind numbing state of knowing I will never achieve outside my home.  That I will not have the financial freedom my partner has, and I have given control of my future up. 

But I get to be a mom, I am rewarded with the endless joy of watching cartoons, being kissed all the time by these wonderful little kids, and helping them evolve into adults.  I get to see their schoolwork, teach them to cook and all the other joy that comes with the mom stuff.  I don’t have to deal with a jerk boss or ride the subway with morning commuters  ever again! 

I guess there is good an bad, but the good tends to outweigh the bad most the time.  It’s the fact I lose myself in the negativity or they way the men in my life treat me for being a stay-at –home mom.  I find I allow the depression to set in after being demeaned and beaten down by society, MEN, the women who work and everyone else with an option that do not have a clue what I do all day.  I then find myself slowing loosening perspective, I stop bathing, shaving, or putting on a dress EVER!  I then will walk by a mirror and stop to say WHAT THE FUCK.  Then I will snap out of it and get my ass to the salon.  But honestly I hope the day never comes where they beat me down so low I cant get up and remember where the salon is?  It is a fight to stay focused with so much negativity thrown at you daily.  SO much judgment, so much mistreatment. 

SO MEN, SOCIETY, and Working women who judge!  We need to treat our moms better, we need to pay our teachers more and everyone is complaining about these issues in society but yet we still can’t stop and change. 

SO WHO ARE THE REAL IDIOTs and LAZY ASSES NOW!

Talk to you later Isabelle.  Miss you girl, be strong.

XOXO

ME