Moving forward again/ Current Day

Today I actually finally got some organization completed. I think well when I am busy. I feel better when I am productive.

I am one of those people who believe if you are lucky enough to have things then you should take care of them. This includes relationships. Yes I am a bit of a hard ass who tends to tell others worry about you first. You bet I am…
But when it comes down to it I think you can own stuff or people but it is never really yours unless you take care of it. That’s means you must keep it in a happy, nice working condition. You get to know people and actually want them to have what they need. Not what you think they need but what they really need.
At times this concept is challenging for anyone. It is hard to not agree with friends or family and put aside your own beliefs in order to allow them or help them achieve what they want.
I know this is what separates my husband and me from ever really being compatible. He wants me to want what he does. When I tell him what I want he tells me I don’t need that or I am wrong. He does not take car of me. He may care about me as a thing or something he claims ownership over but he will never take care of me or truly love me. It is the same thing with his car or other belongings he throws them on the floor, never cleans his car, doesn’t’ keep anything in a nice working condition. Therefore these things will never last.
I cannot say if this is good or bad it is not my job to judge him. I just am trying to recognize the issue or differences between us.

It is like being a parent, sure I don’ t want my kids to hate me or be mad at me but sometimes in order to do what is best to care for them you have to deal with people getting a little pissed off. I mean simple things like bedtime and going to school or getting good grades. Not making them wear the clothes you like or making them think the way you do.

I may not have a way out of the situation I am in, but that is my fault. It reminds me of the time I was homeless and had to rely on the “kindness of strangers” as they say. Maybe I was a smuck maybe I wanted to see good in people and ignored the evil of men, who knows?? I was staying with some guy cause I had nowhere else to go. He promised me he was doing me a favor as a friend. I was clear I had no interest in him romantically or otherwise. He promised again there was no ulterior motive on his part. But in the end it was a horrible nightmare like I am in now. He wanted to force me to love him or like him in a romantic way. He demanded hugs or for me to touch him. I refused and he would just make me uncomfortable. He would watch me sleep, take pictures of me and masturbate to them. All kinds of awful things. I got through it and found I way out. I will get through this and find a way out for my son and me.

In the mean time I will just stay and enjoy my time with my baby. He is learning more and we know each other really well. No matter what anyone thinks I am a good mother. Maybe it’s the only thing I am good at.