TIME OUT WORLD!

SO the baby came and my life ended too…  The unimaginable happened.  An emergency C-Section with major complications.  Then right when you think it is finally over and my baby girl is in my arms she has seizures and is ripped away to the NICU for a month.   Me being me, ran out of bed almost tearing open stitches and sat everyday with her in the NICU until they kicked me out.

Long story short it is a horrible place, (the NICU) my little girl has had some trauma to her brain and no one can tell me exactly what happened.  Not one neurologist, neonatal specialist no one.  They treated her she is home doing well but no body knows what really happened??

Well like I always say and as we know… the attorneys will figure it out.

So here I am home with my beautiful girl, derailed from all expectations and goals, my body and mind stressed and she is perfect.  Yup, perfect.  She is smiling at me talking, and strong.  Perfect!

You definitely figure out who your friends are in that kind of crisis…  My 18 year old son came through and took over at home with the 4 year old.  The church I belong to dropped off food and checked in.  But I checked out with my partner (baby daddy) for about a month.  My mother even came through and was there almost everyday.

When crisis hits it is an opportunity to fail or gain strength and everyone showed up who needed too.  It has strengthen my failing relationships with my mother and partner.   IT has put a ton in prospective including my own need to reduce stress in my life and pay attention to my mental health.  Gosh, I am on edge these days.

I am not going back to work, but I must find something to do, because the kdis do grow up one day…  It is time for  a huge change.  I do not think corporate will ever work for me and if I do not reduce my stress it will reduce me.

ON TO A NEW CHAPTER FOR MY LIFE….

So what to do, do I write about it do I get up and dance, to I just start over and give up, give in…  I think first I will love this little girl with her dark Auburn hair and blue eyes until she cant stand it anymore.  TIME OUT WORLD!