A little girl time goes a long way…

 I just finished a long weekend with just me and my daughter.  I can honestly say it is the boys that make me nuts.  I don’t think I would need so much medication if they were not around.  The house doesn’t smell, there are not any messes, no one is bothering me or talking all the time.  I feel great, rested, and my energy is back finally.  I have an appetite, I enjoyed food this weekend for the first time in 6 months.

My daughter is amazing; she had a great time playing at the park, shopping for clothes shoes, and jewelry.  She wore her sunglasses, sang and danced with me.  She cuddled with me and not once yelled at me or called me names.

I wish it was this way all the time!  Darn it, I deserve this type of happiness, and peace all the time.

All my boys do is ruin shit, give me grieve, argue about everything and stink up the house. 

Seriously, I am finally feeling better and they come home tonight.  They think I am crazy and complicated, but really it is those little assholes.  They demand all my time and energy, and then steal stuff, call me names, hit me, or tell me I am crazy.

There is NO consideration or kindness from the little narsissitic brats.  Okay maybe Jacob recognizes his flaws and is kind to me, or at least loving and intuitive when he is not stoned, but really it is true what they say…

A BAD MAN CAN RUIN A GOOD WOMEN.

I am living proof of that shit, and let me tell you, if I could I would leave their asses and go be lesbian for me. 

I am not with this man because I love him, I don’t believe in love and marriage.  Marriage is for financial and social gain, which I failed at in a way being with him.  He is a good provider for the kids, but I am never going to be better off by being with him.   He will never take care of me.

This weekend has shown me how nice it is to be at peace and be happy again.  My stomach is in knots thinking about the fact they will be home tonight and destroy any joy left from the weekend.

My little girl is magical she sings and hugs me, eats anything, naps and sits next to me just to be in the moment with me. We just walked around and looked at stuff and no body called me names, or said horrible things about me.  I was beautiful again...  It really feels good, I forgot what it is like to feel this good.  Great now I am crying thinking about the end of my girl weekend in my perfect world with my daughter.   I even felt so good that I socialized and tried to make friends at church. 

That’s it, I need to get a job and leave, or do something to get out of this mess.  If not for my own happiness at least for my sanity and health.  This is not healthy when you look forward to people leaving and wish you could change the locks so they cant come back.

I need more women in my life, and If there is a GOD and he is listening…  Please make me independently wealthy so I can just be with my little girl and we can have our own house, special world away from these stinky nasty boys.

AMEN!