Making Lemonade

Sometimes in life some things are so damaging that you face them and face the fear of them and then realize you must make the best of the situation.
Is my relationship perfect? Are my children in the best place? Can I be better at what I do and how I deal with my life? No, Yes, Definitely…

It is my job to look at everything after the emotion has cleared and learn how to be better at how I react. There will always be a next and life moves forward with or without my cooperation. SO I learn to recover and make Lemonade. I take steps to rebuild my courage and strength, I never stay in bed and wallow in self-pity. Nothing is so bad that I am unable to go on.

Maybe this doctor can help in a way I am unaware today but tomorrow will be clear. Maybe there is something I am not seeing I need to fix about myself.

I can play the what if game for hours and never get anywhere, or I can live in today and play the cards I have.

Clarity for me is finding ways to make myself comfortable in whatever situation I am in. I am making the best of what I am given. Some of this is through writing about it online, some of it is through doing repetitive jobs around the house. Cooking and cleaning make me feel better. I think it is the familiarity of it all and knowing it will always be the same. Today I feel hopeful and confident things will change. I am starting to open up again to the world and sometimes look out the window knowing I can do anything I want inside or out of it.

Found this poem I wrote again many years ago…

Sometimes the cold gets through to my soul.
Sometimes in a world full of people I am alone.
I notice everything one day and then the next it all disappears. Casual affairs of strangers I know so well. Then I disappear, but was I ever there? I don’t even look twice at the passing of a day.
The sun will rise once again and my hopelessness sometimes will last another day.
I am once again alone late at night.
I am once again talking to myself, talking in my mind whispering in my sleep. Spinning in a dream that place where you can’t ever forget and don’t want to remember.
Sometimes the truth escapes my lips sometimes the past appears at my front door.
I open my heart and the door slams in my face.
I try and sometimes achieve I hope and sometimes succeed. I ask and sometimes change I stand and then fall. To only one day see…
Sometimes I smile to make the pain ok sometimes I never sleep.
Sometimes, is sometimes were I will always be?