What to do next

Today was a horrible morning, well except for my baby he is perfect.

I went to the joint therapy appointment with my Husband. It was more damaging than good. He is forcing me to do things I do not want or see the need to do at this point. He actually said I had to see a new therapist and he would have to be there to make sure I did what I am told. WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF CONTROLLING SHIT IS THAT!!

You think I was 12 or something. When I said forget it, I want out just let me leave he calls my grandmother to tell on me. This is what I am talking about. My issues are mine, our marriage issues are ours. Not his friends, not my families, I have no privacy, and now he tells on me to my grandmother???? This is not a game, there are things to loose and people that will be hurt besides me or him. I told him that this was not OK, yet it seems there is no fixing it in any way shape or form.

The sad thing is…
I do need a friend or help right now. The nightmares are getting worse and I am having problems going to the store and being around people again. I can’t ask for help, I can’t tell anyone. If I tell my husband he will use the information against me or tell on me to my Grandmother. SO I need to leave, but first I need to find away to leave the house without dealing with people. HAHA!!!

The truth is I just have this horrible habit of isolating when I am hurt or anything. I do not want anyone to touch me or at least anyone I am feeling is unsafe. It does not affect my ability to be a mother or love my kids. They are good kids…. It just cripples me from dealing with most adults. So what to do next…