Therapy

I had another wonderful session with my favorite therapist today. We meet every other Tuesday. The topic as I guessed was my husbands concerns in the relationship. He is playing the victim, telling everyone how hard it is to live with a difficult person like me and peddling the same story that was told to him by my family. I am not sure why what happened to me in my teens is now relevant today or has anything to do with the issues that are remaining in my marriage.

A relationship takes two people, to make work and two people to fail. I told my therapist there is no point in us meeting together. I have nothing to say, and will not continue to argue over the same issues again and again without resolution. I am perfectly happy with the way things are now. I have my life and he has his. I do not have a need to share every detail and he does not ask me about my day so it is obvious he does not want to know.

The therapist said he is frustrated, which I am sure he is very frustrated. He refuses to take responsibility for anything that has gone wrong. He just wants to believe I have issues and use my past abuse as a reason for me to have issues. Then tell everyone how mean I am to him. Great, good for him. Why is that my problem?

My therapist tried to talk about what has happened and maybe talking in the same room to help him understand would be beneficial for everyone. I said, "no body can understand another person fully, it is not possible." "We must have compassion for others not understand them." I can’t help him be compassionate he either is or he is not.

The thing is he made a choice, he choose them not me. He did not give me the benefit of the doubt. He then used the information he gained from people I haven’t spoken to since I was 18 and hurt me with it. Maybe my anger and words were wrong towards him, I know I am and can be a very mean person. I was taught to be mean and hurtful by some of the best in this world. It is a side of me very few see, that I do try and keep away from people. But he didn’t take my side, he choose them.

That was his choice to make and I will not spend the next year trying to convince him of something else.

The therapist told me I might face the reality of a divorce, and that my husband was unhappy. I again responded with only he can make himself happy that is not my job and I am not afraid to be alone. Never have been and never will be.

SO I guess that is it then, I am a horrible person. I have disconnected from my marriage and my husband and I am happy doing it. WOW I am sure I am not alone and not the only one with issues in their marriage.

At the end my therapist asked me to fill out a form about bipolar disorder. I laughed and said I know this is not going to say anything. I have read the books, done the research and know the facts. I am not bipolar, maybe I have Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome that definitely would fit my behavior. But I am very aware of my behavior and understand what it is and what it is not.

See what happens when family gets involved. Now you know why I have no loyalty to mine. This is not the first time and I am sure it will not be the last. But, we all have choices to make and life does go on with or without them.