Current Day Update 2010

With all that has been going on in the last couple weeks there is some good news.

My dear cousin is recovering. All the tests that have been sent out from the second biopsy have come back cancer free and he seems to be moving forward with his recovery. He is gaining his memory back and taking walks everyday. He even posted on facebook that he wants to go home. Miracles do happen and my Granny seems to be in better spirits. I wish there is something I could do to help him. However I find myself just standing by waiting for his return home.

My life is normal and not all bad. I had thanksgiving with some dear friends. I made tamales and contributed to something. I spent some time with the kids and my nephew. I try and enjoy the moments. I feel very non-productive these days so I am focused on just writing and day by day with the baby. I want to contribute more to the world but I am home with no means to do anything about that right now. My husband will not allow that, he does not want me having time for anything but the home life.

The holidays are always ruff, he lack of having any real ties to family other than my Granny weighs heavy. I know my Granny loves me but love only goes so far when your not blood related. I personally view my friends as family. I would like to think other people are like me and would do the same. But you know the saying “blood is thicker than water” this is true for many people no matter what they say or do. My husbands family are not really close and so I usually find myself floating around with the kids to friends houses. I would love it if I could have control or stability of the situation and have my own home be a place where people come together. However this is far from reality for me at this point in my life.

I am still not allowed access to money or any financial decisions. If I want something I have to ask and wait for approval. I hate to sound so self-absorbed as if my life is completely horrible or something. It is just really uneventful and I am sure there are those who would be glad to be in my shoes doing nothing everyday.

I just want to develop my self somehow, maybe go back to school, and travel something… Oh Well maybe next lifetime?

I hate to admit I started smoking again, cigarettes that is…
I had my gym membership revoked (by husband) and all the gyms by our new place are too expensive for him. Therefore I fell back on the old crutch. My husband doesn’t seem to care and I hate it but find it to be a better solution then screaming at him.

My relationship with my husband is also uneventful. He seems fine with it; we do not really talk about much other than the baby. When I focus on the relationship it is depressing how little we actually have in common. Whatever the case it does not seem to bother him, so I should not allow it to bother me.

I am looking forward to more time with my teenager and writing. I am really feeling the need to finish that journey, the writing.

My mother keeps trying to find reasons or time for us to get together. Honestly I don’t want to, and have nothing to share or give her. I know that is selfish, maybe I should try for her. Then again I usually get hurt or regret any contact aside from the kids visiting.

Well it is time to get back to the story, maybe the answers to my life are somewhere yet to found.