Family 1985

Back at my parent’s house, everyone was congratulating me. Like I graduated from school or won something my parents gave me my first Scripture set, which consisted of a Bible and a book of Mormon. If you are familiar with the Mormon religion great you get it, if not I will explain more as we go. They, the Mormons have their own book, they believe in it as well as the Bible. At that age, I remember how everyone in my family adored me at that age. They were always telling me how beautiful I was in wanting to hug me. I felt as though I was the center of their world, which I thought would never change. That day is the last memories I have of my great-grandmother from Holland. I love to hear her talk with her thick accent, and she would sing in Dutch for me. I remember how soft her skin was. It was like porcelain and how she smelled. I can't describe it, but I know what it smells like. Her daughter or my grandmother, N.M, was colorful woman. Always loud and fun to be around, she was my mother's mother. At one time, she was married to my mother's father Grandpa T. But before I was born, he divorced her, and married new women Granny who was 15 years younger than him. Go Grandpa T!! At that time we were living in Northern California in a small town in East Bay. My parents had a huge 5 bedroom house 3 1/2 bathrooms and a big backyard. My whole family was blessed with money, and that is not always a good thing, I came to learn as I grew up. Most of my relatives and my mother and father included all own their own businesses. Sometimes we weren't as wealthy, but we were never poor. I guess you can best describe it as upper class Republican religious white family.

My entire family filled the house. During those years, we were always together. My aunts, my uncles cousins, grandparents, brothers sisters, everyone. We all spent every holiday together back then. We laughed together, and no one argued, well no more than usual. Back to my eight year old baptism. I don't think I'll ever forget that day. It is one of the last things I remember from my childhood. One of the last times I was ever happy as a child. It was like that moment before the storm. When everything was peaceful, and you can't yet see it but, you can smell it in the air, or as if I was too happy, it had to end.

In my parent's family room. There was always music, laughter, and everyone talking a once. If I remember anything about those years or my parent’s home in general, there was always music for every occasion. Or just music and dancing all the time.

I should probably catch you up to speed. There are a lot of people I have mentioned. My mother's family was quite large. She has two brothers and a sister, and lots of cousins. My father's family. Were not around very much, my father's family was not as social as my mother's. I learned later it was because they didn't like my mother. My father's family they did not hug you or show affection very much. They did not say I love you they didn't really talk. Now my mother's family, they never shut up, and they will tell you what they think and what they think you're doing wrong. Whether you want to hear it or not. My father, even though his upbringing wasn't as social, He is the most wonderful man I know he is nurturing and kind. Especially when I was a child he had a quiet sweet way about him. That always made you feel loved. He never judged me and hugged me like he meant it, no matter how mad he was.

Now my mother. She is more like her family. Their lovely people, lovely showboats, very intelligent, but always had an opinion or judgment placed on someone when they spoke. They were about the social standing in their lives, and that I learned the hard way.

All of the kids in my family were about two years apart, each. Except the oldest D and then seven years later, R was born. Then I was born right after my parents got married in the temple. Next was two years later, my little brother. Then four years later, my little sister S, and last but not least, A. I was about 10 when A was born. She was a beautiful baby. Now, I was born in a San Francisco Hospital. And after I was born, we lived in the same house until I was eight in California Bay Area. My father had his own doctor practice in the Bay Area. He actually opened the practice on my birthday. You will learn in this story a lot of things happen on my birthday. Besides becoming a year older. I was never like the other kids. I even looked different. My sisters are girls. My brothers are boys. I was a little bold for that bunch. Two of my sisters are blonde, blue-eyed. One is dark Burnett and my brothers, both very dark features. Like I told you before I had that auburn strawberry hair, peaches and cream skin and red ruby lips. Not like the rest of them.

Since that day, the day I was baptized. I don't remember everything and you learn why later. So let's start with what I do remember after being eight years old. I remember being in second grade at a new school and feeling very unsure of myself. You see, I was one of those sensitive kids. The ones when someone was hurt or crying I would cry too. It was like I could feel their pain. I had to save them. I had to make sure they were okay. They call it compassion. I think a better word for it is empathic. I would take on their pain. I learned when I was younger I had more strength, and I was different than other kids. They held me back in second grade. Not because I wasn't smart enough. I had a hard time reading, and I think my emotions got in the way of me focusing along with what I found out later to be ADD and Dyslexia. I tried to be girly like my sisters and like my mother. My mother wanted me to dance and be a performer. I didn't know what I wanted, but I never liked being on stage. I went out for plays and landed the role of the fairy queen in Midsummer's night dream, by William Shakespeare. I took four years of voice lessons learned to play the piano, but was horrible at reading notes. I learned to play by ear. I had the teacher, play me the song. So I could play it back to her the way I heard it. But singing, I love to sing. My mother wanted me to seeing Italian opera or classical. I loved jazz. My grandmother sang for the San Francisco Opera and then Jazz in San Francisco Later in her life. She had a beautiful voice. You could hear her heart in her voice but she ruined that with drinking and smoking.

When I was ten I spent a lot of time with A the baby of the family. My mother had gone back to work at my father's office, leaving us older children to take care of the younger ones. My other little sister S was deaf when she was born at least that's what we thought. My brothers and sisters and I learned sign language, so we could talk to her. The doctors weren't sure what was wrong. Later, they diagnosed her with fetal trauma syndrome. This is when the baby loses oxygen to the brain during birth. She had symptoms similar to high functioning Down's syndrome, except she is very aware of her problems. This caused S to become angry often and act out. So by the time I was 10 I not only had school and a couple of friends, but younger siblings to care for. I know it broke my mother's heart having to go back to work, but she had to. My older sister and I took care of a lot of it. The housework, the kids and we did our best. My eldest brother D was not around a lot and was so much older. He was always angry about having to be responsible for us when my parents were gone.