Powerless/ Current 2010

With so much going on I decided couples days of silence was in order to focus on my cousin and his brain surgery-taking place today. SO far so good and we all hope for the best. I went to see him over the weekend and he was the same as he always is….
He has always been the light in the room the treasured child of laughter and life. Now at 22 he faces a tragedy that could change his life in so many ways. I sincerely hope the only change this brain tumor brings is maybe removing his innocence.

There are so many emotions and feelings that occur when tragedy hits a family. For my Granny it is her worst nightmare and reliving the losses of her first child and my grandfather to Cancer. IT also reminds us all of the tragedy of my little brother and how his brain tumor changed his life and all of ours forever.

Today by midnight we will hope for the best hope for a quick recovery and what must take place next.

His brother my other cousin sent me a test about feeling helpless in the moments and hours he waits quietly for the surgery to be over.

My response was simply the most horrible feeing in the world is feeling powerless and unable to protect the ones we love. That whatever happens it will be faced with all of us together. No one is alone in facing what will happen next. Whatever it is good or bad we will all help and be there for him.

That is all we can do face the storm together and have hope.

My life and life issues are insignificant the last few days, I have placed them aside to make room for what others may need in the coming days.

Granny always said there would be a next so we must be strong, she did look at me the other day and ask why this is happening and how she asks God why everyday since he has been sick.

I could only say because you are stronger than most, because I can give you my strength as you have given it to me in times of need. That there is not a reason why just the fact that we are the people this world has molded into the stronger human beings and for that reason we can do what needs to be done now. I told her never to doubt herself because she would never allow me to doubt myself.

Granny’s has been our strength for all of us, me my cousins, and given her all for the one in surgery today. He will be all right, there is no alternative. I fear Granny may not recover if this goes any other way but well. My cousin’s mother died when they were small and their father, well lets just say he turned out to be a selfish drugged asshole when his kids needed him most. Granny is all we have and all they have.

These are the people I spend my holidays with, I share my life with and are the family I choose for this life. Being powerless in these situations may be the worst feeling today, but loosing one of them would be worse.