A day in the life/ Current 2010

My normal day
The baby and I wake up around 8am
We play and then he has breakfast by 9am
We have music and learning time then a bottle at 10:30am
I have memory cards and teach him words, letters, songs. He already knows how to say “hi” and “doggy”; he loves his Mozart musical video so I can sometimes get a shower if I play it for him.
I can’t let him nap anymore because he will not sleep at night.
I try and get the dishes done, then some cleaning and play more.
We usually go for a walk or out to see some friends in the afternoon.
He eats lunch around 12:30 and then has another bottle by 2pm.
Sometimes by then I will let him sleep for an hour if he gets really cranky.
He has a snack by 4pm and dinner around 6-7pm.
Then we play games learn new things in-between meals.
He gets to go once a week to a play date kind of thing with a parents group I joined. I really don’t enjoy it but my baby does love people.
We go to my older sons games and do normal things, like laundry.
If my husband comes home, he gives him a bath and does the bedtime routine.
The baby goes to bed between 9-10pm. He never sleeps through the night and usually ends up awake at 2am then in bed with me and wakes up 4-5 more times.

I hardly get any sleep and try to just make it through the day. I love my kids but wish this one would sleep more…

That’s it that’s my life.

I wish I had more, but since I don’t have money, a job or school anymore that’s all I got. Which is more than most and I shouldn’t bitch but I am.

My husband and I don’t talk, well I don’t he talks and I really don’t know what he says but try and get interested.

I use to have more to my life, when my other son was little I worked 2 jobs, went to college and raised him. I guess I miss being a single parent.

Tomorrow is laundry day and if I am lucky I will get to go see a friend in the evening childfree. WOW the little moments I have alone I value.

I know I must sound awful; I do enjoy being a mother. However how effective can I be as a parent without any sleep or my own identity? What can I really offer my child as he grow if I am unhappy and do not have any hobbies, work, or worldly events to share as an individual person?

When I was working or had my own income that allowed me to be an individual I was interesting, involved, and had something to talk about. Now it’s like a report every night. Here husband take the kid so I can pee alone, and by the way he needs a diaper, and a bottle. My hygiene is suffering, I don’t even shave my legs very often, and I never get a Mani Pedi anymore. My hair is horrible and pulled back all the time. Plus don’t even get me started on the circles under my eyes…

Really can I have a second to be a human again? I love the baby with all my heart and love holding him, teaching him and laughing at all the new things he does. It is really an amazing experience to be apart of everyday. So why do I feel so horrible for wanting time to myself to develop who I am???